It's the title of the library book I read somewhat recently. It's insightful and funny, and I recommend it.
What memyownself learned from reading it is this:
1) In our current society, today's parents are generally a much more fearful, overbearing and controlling generation of parents than in previous decades. This isn't to say that our parents' parents didn't worry about their parenting skills or adequately raise their children. However, their circumstances differ from our modern times, (e.g. lack of cell phones, nanny cams, etc.) and they were forced to trust their children, and their own parenting skills, more. Consequently, raising more trust-worthy children.
2) The fearful and overindulgent parenting is due to varying contributing factors including, but not limited to...
- The media and television programming constantly sensationalizing the crimes, criminals, recalls, safety hazards and pitfalls our children are susceptible to.... making it seem much, much worse than it really is. America's Most Wanted, C.S.I. and Nancy Grace. Enough said.
- The onslaught of books, toys, programs, etc. designed to teach us how to be better parents & raise smarter, better, perfect (!) kids, as sold by multi-billion dollar industries. Hmm... they wouldn't be, by chance, out to make a few more dollars???
- The judgment and scrutiny we can face from other parents when our parenting skills and priorities are not exactly in line with their parenting skills and priorities. Peer pressure for the middle-aged.
What memyownself gained from reading it is this:
While you should take everything with a grain of salt, the book was an excellent catalyst for discussions on parenting between me and Hubby.
I can vouch for feeling judged, inadequate, and scared of the opinion and daunting looks from strangers who do not know me or my children, but will still tell me what they think I should or should not be doing in regards to parenting.
I blame my lack of attention to the situation if my kids fall and get hurt. "If I had told her one more time to stay away from the swing, she wouldn't have gotten hit."
I feel guilty when they throw a public tantrum. "Maybe I shouldn't have told her 'no' in such a firm voice."
I shudder when I hear the newscasters say "every parents' worst nightmare" in conjunction with a headline. "I could never let that happen to my child... could I?"
I believe it's mostly normal, and a sign of conscience, purposeful parenting to be educated and vigilant about your skills, mindset, attitude, the statistical evidence and information available to you, etc. That said, it is nice to be reminded that there is no one "right way" to raise children, and a bit of Free-Range methodology might do me good.
We'll always attempt to control the more logical dangers that face our daughters. But my goal is to not let mommy-guilt overcome me every time they get a freckle, cavity, skinned knee, or even a goose egg. Because it happens. To good kids of good parents. It. HAPPENS.
It also reminded me to keep a healthy and realistic perspective on our concerns. For instance, child abduction. While the thought of it is terrifying, according to the U.S. Department of Justice it is also statistically less likely to occur than me losing them in a store, being hit by a car, choking on an un-quartered grape, and drowning in our family toilet altogether.
I want to protect our children from danger. But the bigger, perhaps better, goal is to teach our girls to identify and avoid dangerous, unwise situations of their own accord, make good decisions for themselves, and have faith in their own self-sufficiency. And God forbid they reach third grade unable to make themselves a PB&J...
Perhaps there goes that ever-coveted 'Parent of the Year' award, but I have yet to receive the mail-in ballot for that anyway.
1 comment:
i've had this book checked out and waiting to be read for awhile now! glad to hear you learned a lot from it. :)
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